break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
