...so i touched it.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just invented taco cereal.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
