I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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