my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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