I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
