So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize