Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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