He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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