she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
