i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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