I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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