It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
