so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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