Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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