I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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