If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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