Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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