apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
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You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
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FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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