i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
