i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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