Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
