does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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