I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
