You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
