I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
