I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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