Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
