Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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