apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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