I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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