If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize