I met the friendliest cop last night
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
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Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
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Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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