if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
