She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
