You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
