Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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