Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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