and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
