your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.