Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend