I think scott just propositioned me for sex
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment