Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
How drunk are you?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.