I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
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Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
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I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space