i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
