Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
