I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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