So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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