Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
