My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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