I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
