What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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