she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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