Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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