So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
