You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
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I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
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Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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