he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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