I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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