Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
