do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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