Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize