ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
